I am writing this blog post during a week that holds a lot of change. Children across the country have returned to school; often to new classrooms, teachers and even friends. For me, this week marks the end of one chapter of life and the beginning of the next. Yesterday I attended my penultimate dance class at the dance school I have been attending for, ooh 7 or 8 years?! I left the studio with a heavy heart recognising that, at least for now, I have to say goodbye to a place and group of people who have filled a large part of my life. This coming weekend I will be moving house, back into central Oxford ready to begin a year-long internship with St Aldates Church. A week on Saturday I will bid farewell to my undergraduate years as I graduate from university and see my friends disperse all over the world.
All this change currently has me locked in a state of fear
and sadness. I have never been very good at seeing things come to an end – my
parents can attest to floods of tears every time we neared the end of a family
holiday! I don’t know whether it’s saying goodbye to the old or the uncertainty
of the new – probably a combination of them both – but change is something I
find very uncomfortable. While some people I know live for change; for excitement
and new adventures, I certainly do not. Some people would probably have spent
this week uncontrollably excited, thrilled at the prospect of starting a year
serving God in a ministry they absolutely love. But for me, despite a deep
desire for a wonderful year working in the Children’s Team at St Aldates, I somehow
can’t help but miserably dwell on the negatives of change. I feel truly sorry
for my family who are having to put up with me this week and my emotionally
fragile state – it seems that almost anything can make me cry!
Reflecting on this uneasy transition phase has taken me back
to some of my initial thoughts when I began my one word journey back in
January. At the time I felt that the verse Matthew 14:29 might be a good one to
represent the year ahead. In it Jesus instructs Peter to take a risk and step
out of the boat, and Peter does just that.
In this crazy time of preparations, goodbyes and new beginnings
I am trying to find comfort in the Steadfast. I believe in an unchanging God,
who is always there, and it is with my eyes fixed on him that I choose to step
out of the boat and into the unknown waters of my next adventure.
“The
steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations
3:22-23
